Have a summer romance (with yourself!)

 Do you remember your first love?

How excited you felt when you caught a glimpse of them walking by, how your heart would pound when they were nearby and how you’d daydream about them when they weren’t around?

Nadine Hill, who is today a yoga teacher after a midlife pivot, has been talking to YOMU about learning to love yourself in this way, something so many people find hard to do but something that could change your life.

“After the rush of first love fades and everyday life takes over, we grow, get jobs, and build a life for ourselves but in all day-to-day life stuff we have to do, we often lose the connection to the real source of our first love…. ourselves!

When you were a kid, you knew how amazing you were.

You laughed freely, you enjoyed being with friends, and you created games in your head. Maybe you were a dancer, a rock star, or even an explorer. It could be you loved to be around animals, or when you were painting, creating, or playing sport you came alive.

Whoever you were in those early years, whatever ‘fun’ meant for you, you didn’t ask anyone’s permission to like the things you liked. You didn’t care if your interests weren’t shared by those around you, and I bet you certainly didn’t give any thought to how neat you looked, whether your clothes were deemed stylish or whether you had eaten your 5 a day!

As we grow and take on the responsibilities of jobs, families, and adult lives, many of us lose that connection to ourselves. The part of us that sings or twirls around the garden for no reason. But the saddest thing is that we don’t just lose the childlike innocence, we often develop an inner critical voice that takes over and hangs around with us, so we end up as unfulfilled and self-critical adults whose lack confidence grows into unhealthy habits. Sadder still, those adult critical voices start to verbalise externally where they find other critical voices and as misery loves company, this narrative amplifies and becomes the dominant voice.

How many people do you encounter who complain? About finances, about the weather, about their boss?  Maybe even about themselves?

Dig Deep
If you look at your life and wonder where the fun has gone, or if you are in a cycle of continual self-depreciation or caring about what other people think, it’s time for a carefree summer romance and one that is about you loving on YOU!

Think of it as dating yourself and to do this you firstly have to get to know the object of your affection.

Get curious and ask yourself questions like:

·      What makes me happy in life right now?

·      What activities did I used to enjoy as a kid?

·      What am I grateful for?

·      How do I want to feel?

Once you know what might be missing you can look for ways to bring more of it into your life. Start an art class, join a choir, find a dance studio, join a sports team, or even promise yourself that you will read for pleasure. Whatever activity would spark joy is the one that 8-year-old you is jumping up and down for!

Change your thoughts, change your life
Becoming aware of your thought patterns or inner narrative is the first step to changing it and the best way to gain this awareness is to become still. When we are in a constant state of distraction, scrolling, watching TV, and busying ourselves with endless tasks, we don’t give ourselves the time to let our thoughts settle or to observe our patterns. Now is the time to become more mindful and you can do this by spending time in nature or enjoying a moving meditation such as yoga. Sitting down to meditate is beneficial, but can be extremely challenging if you aren’t used to stillness, so a walk or a structured yoga class will help provide the framework to aid your self-discovery.

Be kind to yourself
If you were getting to know a new love partner you would express kindness and compassion to them if they found themselves in a difficult situation. Take that same care and send it toward yourself. Think of ways you can make your struggles easier. Replace negative thinking with positive affirmations. Listen to an uplifting podcast or music on your commute. Whatever it takes to develop softness where there was once hardness and understand your mental landscape, you’re worth the effort.

Go on dates
Take yourself out for coffee, go to a museum, take a cooking class. Whatever looks like fun to you, make time for it. Your desires are as valid as anyone else’s, so create space for them, and believe that you don’t need to have a reason other than “because you want to!”

When we are in love, life feels more exciting and we are naturally in an elevated mood. Create a real-life version of your own rom-com and see how your mood lifts to this new baseline and remember, it all starts with you.”

Nadine

Nadine became a yoga teacher after a midlife pivot, realising that the life she was living was one that had been created from logic and circumstance, rather than from dreams and the heart. Since deepening her connection to her intuition, she has developed classes and skills that hold the space for others to find their inner connection through yoga and meditation. Every movement class starts with intention setting and incorporates breath work and mindfulness alongside asana to shift energy within the body and every stillness class encourages a deeper dive within to tap into the source of self. You can learn more at www.NadineHill.co.uk