James Gwinnett on Sticking to Resolutions

It’s mid-January, say 8:00pm and you’re halfway through an episode of the latest Netflix series (or an old one if you’re like me and are rewatching Lost).

Suddenly, for no apparent reason, there’s a little niggle in the deep dark recesses of your brain. You pause the show, wander to the kitchen and open your snack cupboard in search of answers. Even though you’re not sure of the question.

It has been a hard day. That sale didn’t go through; that client didn’t ring back; that colleague called in sick, leaving you to pick up their work.

You deserve a treat. And you’ve managed two weeks of your new year’s resolution, so what’s the harm in having a couple of salted caramel cookies / a few squares of Dairy Milk / a glass of wine / insert vice here.

Mine’s the salted caramel option, anything salted caramel, and pastries. I bloody love almond croissants, but as someone who doesn’t drink or smoke, surely I’m allowed one vice?

Well, actually no, not when I’ve said I’ll abstain from that vice for an extended period of time (for example a month in the case of Dry January) and am then tempted to break that abstention two weeks later.

To understand why it’s so much easier to break a new year’s resolution than it is to stick to it, we need to travel back in time to the dawn of human evolution, and explore the survival of the species over the last 2.5 million years.

This is because new year’s resolutions are, essentially, change, and as humans we fear change. It’s different; it’s the unknown; it’s potentially dangerous. Change means sticking our necks out of our prehistoric caves to explore territories where there might be a more abundant source of food, but in doing so risk getting eaten by a saber-tooth tiger.

Fast forward 2.5 million years and we’re still of the mindset that change is to be avoided at all costs, even though we now live in a saber-tooth tiger-free world where, objectively, life has never been easier. We’re living like kings, able to tap our phones and have food arrive on our doorsteps, or taxis, or our laundry, or anything for that matter. But, even though we rarely face events that threaten our very existence, change is still difficult and dangerous.

So if you’re feeling the urge to crack open a bottle two weeks into Dry January, you can blame australopithecus.

Worry not, that’s not to say change is impossible; far from it. You just need to approach it correctly and in my book, READY, SET, LIFE, I cover how in a chat with high-performance coach, Jim Hughes. His three-step process involves identifying what you’re motivated to change from (‘the push’), what you’re inspired to change to (‘the pull’) and everything that could possibly get in your way (‘the resistance’).

The Push

The basis of change is knowing where you are and recognising that you don’t want to be there anymore. That takes honesty and humility, and also the courage to take the leap into the unknown. If you want to change, you need to know ‘why’, you have to be motivated by how you feel about your current situation and the effect it is having on you. If you don't realise what the job, or relationship, or bad habit, or poor health is costing you, emotionally, physically, and maybe financially, you’re not going to make the change.

The Pull

Knowing your ‘why’ makes the ‘how’ a lot easier but motivation doesn’t work in a silo. On day one you’ll be pumped about your plans to get as shredded as Chris Hemsworth but you’ll lose that drive after a few days when you’re tired and your abs are aching. After a while, there’s a net loss in energy, the willpower wears off and you stop or default to old habits.

So, motivation isn’t sustainable on its own; it also needs inspiration; that’s clarifying what the alternative could be. Visualise it, surround yourself with people who already do it or share that vision, and then get to a point where it’s a must-have, rather than a want. As Jim puts it, “You have to fall in love with the alternative.”

The Resistance

No, not Muse’s fifth studio album. The barriers. The hurdles. The things that are going to hold you back from making the change.

Imagine setting yourself the challenge of running a 5km. You’re motivated to do so because you’re tired of getting out of breath walking up the stairs, or maybe being unfit is causing you to feel insecure and you lack the confidence to meet the woman or the man of your dreams. You’ve identified the push. The pull is the alternative; it’s feeling good about yourself, knowing you’ll fit into your clothes, have more energy, sleep better. It’s speaking to other people who are fit, maybe trying it a little bit; you run one km and get sweaty and feel the endorphins. You can see how running five km is going to be good for you physically and mentally, and encourage you to improve other areas of your life.

The resistance is thinking that the training will be painful, not liking the sensation of being out of breath, crap weather, your job getting in the way, not owning a pair of trainers. But by identifying them, you can overcome them.

Much of implementing change is having the humility to admit your current situation isn’t serving you, the self awareness to identify how a different one could, and the courage to step from one to the other. Doing so with longevity in mind is what sets apart those who succeed in sticking to their new year’s resolutions and those who don’t.

One more thing, though. If you do find yourself sneaking biscuits two weeks into January, don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, you’re battling against 2.5 million years of evolutionary survival! Rather, reassess and reinforce your push and pull. And perhaps make sure there aren’t any biscuits in the pantry, so you’re not tempted by that resistance.

Pick up a copy of READY, SET, LIFE here.

James