Summer sandwich survival
Most people look forward to the summer holiday with their children, but what if you’re playing piggy in the middle? What is you are part of the oh-so-familiar sandwich generation where you are caring for two different age groups simultaneously e.g. a toddler and an elderly parent?
Emma Kirkham is an amazing font of knowledge when it comes to getting the balance right, or as near right as possible and she is here today, to help you.
Emma has been speaking to me at YOMU and I love what is has shared, so have a read and let me know if it helps and do follow her on social for more value and insight.
As the age of life expectancy continues to rise and people are tending to have children later in life, there are more and more 'sandwich carers' than ever before. I know because I am one.
Around 1.3 million Brits are sandwich carers (https://www.actionforcarers.org.uk/who-we-help/adult-carers/sandwich-carers) but like me many, (and myself) they don't see themselves as carers, they're simply looking after family.
So bring in the extra heat of summer and it can really turn up the temperature on your stress indicator!
Here are 5 things you can do to help you keep your cool as the heat of summer rises
Plan and prioritise you, and I mean really put YOU first!!
Yep, easier said than done you might be thinking as you roll your eyes. BUT making YOU the priority and putting yourself first will mean you stay cool as a cucumber when those around you are flaming up; sweaty toddler tantrum anyone or even teenage tantrum?
So grab your diary, Google Calendar or whatever you work with and add in 15 minutes minimum to take yourself on a date with you! And make sure you stick to it. DAILY! After all 15 minutes is nothing in a 24-hour day.
Plan in the little things you can do in that time that helps you feel and stay calm; book reading, colouring in, calming music etc)
Yes you might have little ones running around but even then you can still make that 15 mins for you- look for ideal spaces in the day (nap times, meal times etc) when they are quiet and use those. When you can tell your kids what you are doing and why, you’ll be surprised at how much they take it on board. Helping them to learn early on that putting themselves first isn’t selfish.
Just Say NO!
I always say, when you say yes to everyone else you are saying a BIG fat NO to yourself. Get selfish, say no and stick to it. It's easy to over-commit in the summer, feeling like you need to cram in as many visits to Great Aunt Flo and Uncle Claude as possible because you haven’t seen them for 6 months| But what that actually means is you are putting their needs over yours. Work out realistically what can be achieved in your time off and be firm with your boundaries.
Or when your parent calls to ask if you could just pop and collect xyz then you’ll be there ASAP to do it, say no and work out when you can be available and commit to that. Instead plan in realistic timescales for visits-
Set up specific days for errands and non urgent help
Schedule in non doing days- where you simply stay home and BE with the kids intentionally without distractions , you’ll all be grateful for it later.
The key to keeping your stress down is to keep your cool and regulate your nervous system- start your day as you mean to go on
light and gentle exercise ( 5 minute of stretching ) and 5 mins of gentle journaling (getting all that “rubbish” out of your head) a good brain dump does wonders for keeping your cool as you’re not carrying around your list to do in your head!
Set the intention of how you want to feel for the day – e.g. compassionate- to yourself, your kids and the parent you’re caring for
When I first started doing this I set a little reminder on my phone that asked “ are you being intentional” as a reminder of how I wanted to feel and behave.
Self-care
It's true self-care isn’t selfish- it’s a must. What can you do? Physical activity- get up and move, change your state and reduce stress- these are instant mood improvers.
Maybe a morning walk, 10 minutes of yoga or even a good stretch can change your state and improve how you feel.
I love a good set of star jumps to really get the blood flowing and often the kids would join in too!
Make sure you breathe- sounds simple, we all do it but how you breathe makes more difference than we give it credit for.
Long slow deep breathing, meditation and mindfulness added to your day help to bring balance and calm. Add in a spot of journalling to brain dump
Ask for support
Another favourite thing I say to clients is:
“Asking for support is not a weakness- doing everything yourself is!”
Call in a friend, neighbour, partner and plan in your down time and if that really isn’t an option, it’s ok to pop on a movie and let the kids watch TV whilst you put your feet up and have a recharging nap!
Take yourself away from the situation and really relax, reset and recharge.
And if you want help doing that- you can grab my free relax, reset and recharge download!
BONUS tips – Ask the adult person/people you are caring for to write a list of what they need help with, so rather than them messaging you/calling you every time an errand needs running or they need help around the home, you have a list of things and you can plan in when to do it. Helping to stop the interrupt and feeling of overwhelm this can bring.
What’s for dinner? If your kids are anything like mine they need to know what food is finally going to reach their lips for each meal. Create a meal planner, print it off or add it where they can see.
or if they are old enough ask them to help plan it out, getting them involved as much as possible whether that’s with the food preparation or for work, all helps them to learn the value of working together and to feel involved.
Younger and older children love to know what’s coming next so have a “What to do “ calendar available showing them days out/ days in/ and let them choose what to do at times too.
So have a planner ready with details of “what to do” so you don’t have to continually answer the “what are we doing today!” If you can also add images for younger children you’ll find they are calmer too as they know what to expect.
Here's to you staying calm and surviving summer as a sandwich (and even if you’re not this will help!)
If you’d like to connect with emma you can email emma@emmakirkham.co.uk or go to www.learn.emmakirkham.co.uk
Download a free hypnotherapy audio to help you stay calm and relaxed here https://learn.emmakirkham.co.uk/products/courses/view/1169670 and follow me here https://www.facebook.com/emmalmkirkham / https://www.linkedin.com/in/emmalmkirkham
